Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

In my family (dad, mom, older bro, me/sister, younger bro), my dad is very strict and he believes in "traditional Asian" values.

I'll just list what he does.

-embarasses, intimidates, rudely insults us (even mom's family in front of them too), uses profanity against mom in public

-restricts our outings, gets suspicious of mom if she comes home a bit late (accuses her of cheating), stalked my mom and lil bro

-restricts mom from having and visiting friends, or anyone of us being in a conversation with friends on the phone

-has an abnormal personality (one moment he's yelling at us, the other he's sucking up and doing favours)

-destroys things (plates, wall, etc), pulled mom's hair, throws things at us, pushes, threatens

I really want to get help but the problem is that my mom makes 2.5k/month and she cannot support all four of us (2 in university). Also, a restraining order probably cannot work. After every argument though, I seem to think that it's nothing big and I always regret it.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

Oh wow.. It sounds like he really needs help,sorry. But that has nothing to do with values, A father should not act in that manor. There is nothing wrong with getting help. The Government will most defiantly help your mom when it comes to the children. Don't be afraid to call social services or just tell the school. They will make things easy on y'all. There is so much help out there for single mothers and families. Please keep your head up and just do it. I was in a close situation with my father and I finally called the police then the judge ordered him to stay away.My mom had a protection order against him, yours can do the same... It will be hard but with the right help y'all WILL make it. Promise

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

That's a hard one to even try to answer. I've been physically abused, verbally abused but by different people. It affects the kids in different ways. I always thought you are supposed to treat people the way you want to be treated, so now when someone talks bad to me, I've gotten to the point that I talk back to them just the same way they talk to me and it pisses him off.He needs help though and she shouldn't put up with it period, it only leads to a worse situation, sometimes death.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

Your dad needs help. Call the police when he gets physical, the hair pulling and pushing... he probably won't go to jail, but he might be ordered to get anger management counseling. His personality isn't abnormal. It's classic. The cycle goes: tension - explosion - "honeymoon" - (the sucking up and doing favors part).

Acting like it's "nothing big" is how it can continue. Take it seriously. Call the police. You won't have to get a restraining order. That's way down the line. And even if it does come to that, a restraining order can make him move out and still have to pay your rent and utilities.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

1st, what you need to do is to find gov't agency - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - and relay the problem. Usually, they will give you advice what to do.

2nd - if there is a PHYSICAL violence, report to police and have the incident documented. The police also reports the incident to Domestic Violence section and you will receive call from them.

3rd - PHYSICAL violence must have a doctor's certificate for bruise or wound check-up. Go to emergency and have the area of the body checked by doctor and get a certificate. If you have camera, take photos of them.

4th - The Domestic Violence agency will keep in touch with you and you will be given legal advice and counseling on what to do.

*** Remember, violence repeats itself and will get worse so, seek help early.

*I hope your dad will find/get psychological counseling soon.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

You need to ask this? Report him and protect your family!! the older siblings in university should know better as well. They can get part time jobs on the weekends to help Mom, get the police involved and get out before your mom looses you kids to social services. You can easily live on $2.5k a month! We have 4 in our family and live on a lot less!

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

You truly must report him immediately. Seems he is not only physically abusive, but mentally and verbally as well. If it helps, you can look into a domestic violence lawyer. Their help alone will make your family's lives a lot easier.

Here are some great city-specific legal directories to help you find one:

http://www.san-francisco-oakland-bay-are...

http://www.sacramento-ca-lawyers-attorne...

http://www.la-orange-county-lawyers-atto...

http://www.las-vegas-nevada-lawyer-attor...

http://www.san-jose-ca-lawyers-attorneys...

http://www.sacramento-ca-lawyers-attorne...

http://www.dallas-fort-worth-texas-lawye...

http://www.new-jersey-lawyers-directory....

http://www.legal-advice-library.info

http://www.san-antonio-texas-lawyers-att...

http://www.brokerforyou.com/san-diego-re...

http://www.new-jersey-lawyers-directory....

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

Off the record, a pillow over his face while he sleeps and then you get the life insurance. A sarcastic response. God Bless.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

Talk to your Grandparents (your dad's side) about it. Asians are most of the time give high regards to their parents advices.

Go to Church, or encourage Mom to take everybody to church every sundays. Asians are usually religious people and maybe your dad would go and gets enlightened and calm down. Talk to a pastor, minister or anyone who can probably set up a meeting with your parents. They can set it up very discreetly where your dad won't even known that you perpetuated that whole thing.

My Dad was sorta like that, but not as bad, and they were on a verge of getting separated. I prayed, I prayed really sincerely and soon enough things got better, and now 40 years later we're still a whole family.

If he still refuses to change his ways, then your MOM should move out with all the kids. He will never know what hits him until it's over. But remember, that will be your last recourse.

I do not know how old you are, but if you can.....i would just go to him (when he's in a good mood) and talk to him, and tell him what you feel and how it is affecting you everytime he acts all crazy.

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

try and get your mum to report him. if not than you will have to report him. he needs help

Domestic violence problem...dunno what to do?

I was in a position like you my mom was hispanic and very strict, this kind of situation only escalates it is their problem they are sick. try and get yourself and loved ones away I know this sounds harsh but it will never stop I spent years trying to help my mother and she died like this.

GBless